Make a Difference

 Leaving is never easy but sometimes necessary. My alma mater has the mission statement: Educating students to become servants of Christ to make a difference in today's world. This mission statement has been the strive of the school as well as its students for many years. Today, it is my turn to make a difference. I always strove to make a difference in people's lives day by day (with some days easier than others) at school, and I thought that I would continue that through employment at the school. How short-sighted was I! Though I had many plans for my life, God had and has a better one. Today, I left my alma mater. Not just graduated, but I found employment elsewhere. 

Tomorrow I start a new journey at the Transformation Center in Chattanooga. There I will help clients by matching them with counselors, doing their intake and referral forms, and welcoming them as they come in or call. This is a step in the direction of how I want to use my current and future degrees. I want to help people and make a difference in today's world. Sometimes that world is one person other times it is a community. I am sad to leave my home of four and a half years, but everything has its season. 

To those that have been there for me at Bryan and have supported me anywhere from my freshman year to today (10/28/21), thank you. I could not have been in the position and mindset that I am in without you. I will miss you all terribly, but know that I will continue to pray for all of you that you stay well and that God continues to bless you! I cannot imagine where I would be if it were not for all of you. Thank you all again. 

With that folks, it is time for my new journey to begin. Many things are to come in this next couple of years, and I am so excited to see them all come together! God has taught me to abide in him and let go of control, and it has been a blessing to do so. 

May God bless and keep you.

Psalm 46

The Lord of Hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress 

Psalm 46:11

 

Tonight, I write from a contrite heart. After months of job hunting, I am still without a job for after the Summer. I am going to be honest from my side because that is what I have. I have been hurt many times by the place that I have called home for the last four years. I do not blame most people in this place as I still respect the people who have had to make a decision to go with another candidate or have to close a position before it opens for me to apply. They are doing their jobs and I understand that. What I am hurt by is the amount that I have been strung along with false hopes and promises these past few months. I have been hyped up only to be dropped down again. I have been looked in the eyes by the Vice President of Academics and told that I "do not have enough passion" for positions at my home for the past four years. I have been summed up and judged without a second glance. I have been deemed not worthy by some and I have been overestimated by others. I am only who I am, who God made me to be. 

After my final 'No' from my alma mater, I will be leaving my home by the end of the week. This has lead me to feel bitter and depressed. I do not necessarily enjoy change, but I have not really been one to run away from it when it is necessary. Though now, I find it harder to leave because of all that I have put into this place. The bitterness is from above, but the darkness that surrounds me? It is crushing. I feel as though I have failed, but God keeps pulling me back and tells me that he has something better for me. That he did not plan for me to stay at my school. 

Psalm 46 has been a comfort. As you can see above, it is a good reminder. This verse, verse 11 that is, comes directly after one of people's favorite verses of all: Psalm 46:10, "'Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!'" These two verses show the power and majesty of God. Who am I that I should question it? But in my flesh, I tend to forget and think that it has to be all on me. I ask for prayers, but then I let my anxiety rule. I become bitter when I do not get the job. How am I supposed to get the job when I put myself first and not God? As experienced, I am not. God will put me where he wants me, I have no doubt, but this fire of trial is getting hotter and hotter everyday. Thank you Lord of Hosts for being in the fire with me though. 

Thank you all for reading my rant and my processing. May God bless you and keep you. 

P.S. I highly recommend listening to Psalm 46 by Shane and Shane. My beautiful girlfriend introduced me to it and if you read the chapter as it plays in the background, you can gleam some more truths from it. 

One Year Later

 It has been one year since Covid-19 had been made a pandemic by the CDC and WHO. One year ago today, March 12, my school made the announcement that we would be staying home for an additional week after Spring Break and we would be having class online that week. Little did we really know that when we left that next day, we would not be coming back. I remember seeing people in the Triangle through the windows of OSL talking to their friends, crying, hugging, and looing around as if it were the last time they would see it all again. I was not the only one to see this, nor were they the only ones feeling that way. I tried to keep a positive outlook as my word for the year 2020 was Optimism (I know, a heck of a year for that word). The next day, Friday, March 13, my school all came together to sing at what would be our very last corporate worship. We sang about God's goodness and how no matter what, he has been so so good. The song that broke me was "Goodness of God" by Bethel Music and Jenn Johnson. When we sang this song, I broke down and wept at what I was about to lose. I cried out to God to not let it happen and for me to do what he had called me to do with Service Day and the other things that I was to do the remainder of that semester! I sat in my seat shaking due to my uncontrollable tears. I began the mourning process as I sang this song through broken breaths. I did this until we got towards the end of the song and then I was convicted to trust God throughout the process of disaster that I and my friends and family were about to face. The bridge, as shown below, hit hard and I was able to surrender whatever happened to God. 

'Cause Your goodness is running after

It's running after me

Your goodness is running after

It's running after me

With my life laid down

I'm surrendered now

I give You everything

'Cause Your goodness is running after

It keeps running after me

This did not mean that I was not to mourn for what I was about to lose, but that I knew that God had it under control. As I waited for everything to be cancelled, I worked faithfully until I got the call from my boss telling me that it had to be cancelled. When that news came, I had almost two days to cancel the 32 projects I had organized, and when I thought it was over, it got worse. You see, for my project we would have had to extend online learning for two more weeks than originally planned, which we did. However, as my boss and I were canceling projects, we got an email from Student Life saying that we will not be returning back to the campus but instead will be pivoting indefinitely to online learning for the rest of the semester. 

After being home since the middle of March to the beginning of August, it was so different to be back on a college campus in person. My senior year has had its rides and stops, its ups and downs, but most importantly it has had my God right beside me through it all. I have had to make some tough decisions this year for myself. I have had to grow and make choices that will effect my future. I have made great additions to my life, including my wonderful girlfriend, that help me grow closer to Christ everyday. 

It has been one year since the entire world changed. Now that we have a light at the end of the tunnel, how long will it be until it is broken again? Are you ready for it to be broken again? What brought you through 2020? Was it Jesus? Will it ever be Jesus? God bless you all! Let us not be weary for another closing but be hopeful towards the open arms of Jesus!